I HATE YOU.

Dreams have a funny, sneaky way of coming in and disrupting your normal thought processes. Just when you think everything is fine and you feel fine, something like this comes along and makes you wonder if everything really is fine.

Things like this can't happen! I'm OVER it. OVER! As in, should-not-be-having-couple-dreams sort of over! Stupid subconscious. I hate you subconscious. Making me dream destructive, self-undoing things like this.

I'm not going back there. I'd convinced myself entirely I was not there anymore. And it was working, it really was. It wasn't even convincing, it was just how I felt. Do feel, I mean. Disregarding the subliminal joy I felt during the dream, it's pretty much imperative I don't let myself feel that way in real life. Because like I said, letting myself feel that kind of joy only he can elicit from me is the key to my undoing. I almost fell apart once, because of him. Almost. Imagine if I did completely crumple. And the beauty of it is, he has no idea he did that to me.

That's the funny thing about this sort of thing isn't it. The absolute power someone has over you without even knowing they have it. And you, not even realising this power they hold over you until you step back and look at yourself from afar. It's not like you explicitly gave consent to them. They coaxed it out of you, and you silently gave it to them, without a fight. Because deep inside, it's what you wanted. You wanted to be owned by someone. To be theirs. But at the same time, you wanted them to be yours. Only when that part of the bargain didn't come through, it was too late. You signed the contract, and you couldn't get yourself out. Funnily enough, you didn't feel ripped off, even though you should've. It's funny isn't it.

But you know, it's a lucky thing I'm not there anymore.