Now I don't think we females ask for much from a guy... or maybe we do... but there are things we DEFINITELY do not ask for! And so here, i compiled a list of turn-offs that most (sane) girls can vigorously nod their approval and where guys can self-consciously look at the list and examine whether they embody any of the following:
- Bad Breath (or bad personal hygiene in general): I understand that bad breath/hygiene can be attributed to both males and females, so women take note also. There is nothing quite as unattractive as your date turning blue on account of holding their breath, praying to God that if He existed He would create a cyclone of fresh air to blow past giving the much needed life support. Or at the very least literally knock the bad breath out of you. You'd be lucky if she could even face you for more than a minute, if she's not searching elsewhere for fresh air. Take a note from the movies: if brushing takes too long, take a mint (or more)! That way you get to eat and your breath is left minty fresh! =)
- Smoking: Ok suuuuuuuure. You go to a hip and happening place and there you see a sexy James Dean type with his appropriately loose but fitting jeans and he's looking all brooding and sexy with his cigarette. But picture this... You walk up and he smiles only to be met with nice yellowing teeth, and his smoky breath. Well that's certainly attractive! =P. Ok so not unattractive enough for you. Well how about this little scene... same James Dean-like character, 25 years later, coughing up his lungs and with a bit of a belly developing. Sexy huh?!
- Self-pity and/or Self-deprecation: The whole "O woe is me!" thing does not show how sensitive you are. It shows how PATHETIC and WHINY you are. Unless you have a valid excuse for being self-pitiful, do not come to us saying, "Oh I don't think so and so likes me... I'm so uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugly.... Blaaaaaaaah" because while we've got enough decency to comfort you, rest assured we are trying to suppress the eye roll bursting to get out. You don't like when we do it, so what makes you think we like it when you do?
- Huge Ego: We like when you ask questions about us every so often, but when you ask us on the off chance that we'll reciprocate (which we will 85% of the time) so that you may tell us all the things that make you so wonderful in your subtle (or not so subtle) way, we're just going to think your a narcissistic buttplug. Sure, it's funny when you guys joke about being the greatest but when you're serious (and rest assured, we will know when you believe in what you say even if you meant it as a joke) then watch us cringe our noses and raise our eyebrows. I realize this may lie in contradiction to number 3 but if you repeat the self-deprecating lines we'll just assume that you're saying it so that you can hear us say the opposite, consequently confirming what you secretly believed of yourself and boosting your ego at the same time. WIN-WIN situation.... FOR YOU!!! One of these days, we're just not going to say anything and then where will the ego be? No doubt there'd be lots of nights spent in front of the mirror... Don't get me wrong. Egotistical people are very amusing... But not when you're dating one!
- Bitching about their friend(s): The only circumstances when this is acceptable is if the girl happens to be bitching about her friend at the time and even then the only acceptable contribution is a "Yep" and a nod every few insults from you. Unless you want to get a severe glaring from both your girl (AND her friend... news travels fast among females), I suggest you keep the negative thoughts about the friends to yourself if you want to avoid a one-way ticket to "Grovels-ville" - Population: YOU. Unless of course you intended to travel to "Break-up county".
If any females disagree with more than one of the listed (or just disagreeing with number 1 even), then a word of advice: SEE A PSYCHIATRIST or save yourself the trouble and check yourself in at the local mental institution! And I say that in the most concerned and caring way possible... =)
